Scratch That

I sometimes have a foggy memory. I have Epilepsy, and can’t always remember the details, the dates, or the story.  This story, though, I remember. I remember everything.

This one I’ll share with you, so you’ll know how to make your beloved your priority.

My husband, Bobby, is a Car Guy. How do I know? Well, let’s see.

1. He has an instant bond with the person driving the same car as he does on the road.
2. He knows every gas station within fifty miles selling top-tier gas.
3. The cars must always, and I mean always, be clean. He washes them in the rain. Yes, I mean it.
4. He only buys Original Equipment Manufacturer car parts.
5. He’s a professional race car driver. It’s not just a hobby.

I need you to understand that to understand this.

As newlyweds, we lived in an apartment complex where all mailboxes were clustered together in the parking area. Mom and I were running around on a Saturday. On the way home, I decided to drive up to our mailbox. Terrible choice. Regrettable choice.

As I inched up closer to my slot, I heard the horrid sound of metal scraping metal. My shoulders met my ears and Mom and I looked wide-eyed at each other. I had trapped the car right up against the mailboxes, and I was afraid of making it worse if I moved. Mom and I sat there panicking as car after car drove up behind us and waited, then pulled away as we all avoided awkward eye contact. Mom suggested that I call Bobby more than once. I dallied, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. Not only was he at work, but he was an on-air radio personality. How was he going to leave? Even worse, he was not the kind of guy to shrug off scratches on the car. My heart was pounding, and my stomach was sick as I dialed the number.

Ring….ring….ring…”Hi, Baby!”

“Erm…um…well…I…drove up to get the mail and I’m stuck. The car is scratched and I can’t move.” I squeezed my eyes shut and braced for it.

“I’ll be right there.”

Bobby showed up in minutes. He walked around the car, got in, and backed it out. We looked at the looooooong scratch down the side silently. Then, he kissed me and went back to work.

What? Mom and I just looked at each other. Can’t. Respond. Shock. Too. Great.

I can see his face and loving eyes clearly like it happened yesterday. I can feel his kiss.

Why do I remember everything about it when other memories are foggy? 

It’s because that is the moment when I knew that I was his priority. Oh, there were other moments after this. There was the day he dropped everything to lay in bed with me when I was overcome with the pain of our infertility. Or the time when he canceled his racing schedule to care for me through two cancer surgeries. But this was the first time I saw it. The Make Your Partner Your Priority Thing. And this one was critical because these everyday tests pave the way for how we trust each other through the consequential ones that inevitably come, right?

How to make your partner your priority

How did Bobby know to act like this? It’s really not natural for us to put someone else first, especially in these everyday moments.  Especially in those moments when we’re tested.  He’ll tell you that he began a relationship with God that changed him.

I’m here to tell you that we’re not perfect. Bobby hasn’t acted like the hero in every moment of our lives. Neither have I. And some of the memories in our hippocampi are hurtful. However, the number one thing in our lives that has turned things around is following Jesus. I know that not everyone thinks the way we do about God. It’s OK if you don’t. You are welcome here with me, and I hope you feel the same about me. But Jesus has things to say about how to live life that are life changing. Wise. Mind blowing. He’s not just a prophet or a figure in history who was wise. He’s God. Who better to help us get life right than the creator of life?

Here’s what God has to say about making others a priority: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:4

If Jesus wants that from you, he’ll help you to do it if you follow him. How? Well, regardless of what you believe and how you behave, Jesus invites you to follow him. You don’t have to change anything to do it. But I guarantee you, if you follow him, he’ll change you. To get to know him better, I suggest finding a good church where you’ll get guidance, talking to him, and reading his words. Find a study Bible and read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

And please heed the advice of a happy, happy wife.

If you’re the recipient of memories, be grateful for wonderful ones, and try to let go of the others. If you’re the giver, give more beautiful than ugly. Sharpen your craft like it’s your job because it is your job. 

Make your partner your priority.

If you or someone you know is hurting from the pain of infertility, our story might help:  Healing Rain On Barren Land

A post worth reading: B.C.Wise | How To Forgive Others, Overlook Offenses and Move On