I record random quotes that people say to me. Some are profound—some funny. I wrote one down a few years ago from my niece, who earned her doctorate at Yale. Referring to a final paper she was writing, she said, “Sometimes you come to a certain place in your argument and you wonder, did I make this whole thing up?” I laughed so hard; you would’ve thought I was front row at a Jim Gaffigan show listening to his Hot Pocket segment. But sometimes I’m not laughing, because I need to know how to be a better wife.
Sometimes when I’m offering advice, I feel like a fraud. I’m supposed to be the expert. But. I. Fail. It’s so discouraging. I should know better. Sometimes I’m snarky when I should be gentle. Or selfish when I should be giving. And I wonder if I’m making this whole thing up. Why do I feel like I need advice on how to be a better wife?
Sigh. Do you ever feel this way? Like you’re never going to get how to be a great boyfriend, wife, friend, or son. Perhaps you have certain buttons that set you off. Boy, I do. They get me way too often. And I think, gees, how am I supposed to accomplish this? I’m just a regular woman, far from perfect. How can this be expected of me? How about you?
Then, within days after having these thoughts, I was reminded that I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable and that I can seek help when I need it.
The Song
That very same day, I heard a beautiful song called “Less Like Me” by Zach Williams. I’m a singer, and music captures my attention quicker than almost anything. Here are just some of the lyrics. I’ll share the link at the end. Zach can singggggg. See if you can relate to what he wrote:
Oh, I have days I lose the fight
Try my best but just don’t get it right
Well, I talk a talk that I don’t walk
And miss the moments right before my eyes
Somebody with a hurt that I could have helped
Somebody with a hand that I could have held
When I just can’t see past myself
Oh Lord, help me be
A little more like mercy, a little more like grace
A little more like kindness, goodness, love, and faith
A little more like patience, a little more like peace
A little more like Jesus, a little less like me
This song spoke to me because I realized that Zach feels the same way I do. I bet you do, too. It helps to know we’re not alone. And it reminded me to ask for more of what I need. Maybe I’m not a failure at love. Maybe I’m just not perfect.
The Story
On the very next day, I heard this quote from Andy Stanley, one of my favorite speakers. He mentioned that the selection came from “Vernon Law.” What’s that, you ask? I didn’t know either. Haha! Vernon Law is a collection of quotes from a man of the same name. He was a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 1950s and 60s. Like many great athletes, he was a character, and many of his quotes live on.
He said, “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.”
This statement got me thinking about how every failure has taught me to be better. Thus, every failure has led to where I am today. I’ll never wholly nail this because that’s not the way real life works. We are imperfect beings, wives, boyfriends, daughters, and friends but getting a little better every day if we try.
The Truth
I know that not everyone believes as I do. I’m a Jesus follower, and that’s where I get my wisdom and my help. If you’re not a believer, you are welcome with me! I hope I am with you, too. Even if you don’t believe as I do, I think we can agree that everyone fails, everyone is imperfect, and that’s OK. More importantly, we need to be better than yesterday, and pretty soon, we’ll look back at those mistakes with gratefulness for the lessons. Of course, then we’ll make new mistakes, but we’ll learn from them, too. So, to answer the question, “did I make this whole thing up?” Did you? No, I don’t think so. I may not know everything, but I know some things. I am not a failure at love! Neither are you, by the way.
Do you want to hear more about my mistakes? Why, oh why, do I tell you these things? Oh, this one’s good. It’s how I learned that not every issue is worth dying on the hill for. And how to tell the difference. Read Flying Underwear. Yeah, I wrote about underwear. And it was flying.
A Song Worth Listening To: Zach Williams | Less Like Me
For a Laugh: Jim Gaffigan | Hot Pockets
Included in my Random Quotes Someone Told Me is one from my husband. He’s a professional drag racer. He said, “There is no substitute for cubic inches.” Hahaaaa! Gah, I just love him!
