People say that it’s impossible to find the right partner these days. I say, where are you looking?
When we were kids, my dad took me and my brother fishing. He taught us that if you’re not catching any good fish, move to a better spot. My dad’s street smart. I think he’d say that the same applies to find the right partner.
If you’re looking for desirable – and you should be – look where desirable is.
Where is that, you might ask? I’m thinking that there’s another question waiting to be answered first.
Who Do You Want To Meet?
OK, be honest. Did the word “hot” cross your mind? Or “rich”? Well, I don’t blame you; that’s probably what most people think. But – you’re not most people, and your dreams for the future are not average.
Consider what traits this oh-so-important person should have. Yes, there has to be physical attraction, but make sure that there’s something substantial behind form and face. Physical beauty will change, but attributes like humor and kindness? Those are sexy forever. And money’s not an evil thing. But if you choose someone solely for it, you’ll find that money can’t hold you in the middle of the night or grieve with you when your life crashes around your feet.
You need a person of quality in your life.
For me, this kind of person demonstrates:
- a focus on God first
- kindness and affection for others
- exuberance about life
- a willingness to stick with things
- a sense of compassion in their heart
- loyalty to commitments
- the ability to direct their energies wisely
These are timeless and are my non-negotiables. After that, chemistry, personality, compatibility, and shared life goals are also essential.
What are your non-negotiables?
It’s after you’ve determined for whom you’re looking that you can assess if you’ve been looking in the right places. This next part is going to be tough, so hang on.
Examine Your Circle
Forty percent of people meet their spouse through a friend. So, if you aren’t meeting people who meet your criteria – or if you’re struggling to meet the potential you know you have – maybe it’s time to examine your circle of friends.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Jim Rohn
Have you ever heard that? Do you believe it? Take a moment to reflect on your friends’ attitudes, words, and actions. Do you think your friends influence your life and your ability to achieve all of your future hopes and dreams? What do you want your life to look like in ten years? Twenty?
Do you have friends who are optimistic about life? Are they driven to be successful – in whatever way you deem success to be? Do they show good character in their language and deeds? Remember, everything starts with a thought. Right now, if your ideas aren’t already gearing you up for what you want in life, take a closer look at the environment you’re in and the people you want to meet. If you’re going to tackle mountains, who are you going to do it with?
You might say, I have great friends! We’re not perfect, but we’re on the right track. I say, fantastic. Stick with them.
And please understand me. I’m a follower of Jesus. If you’re not, you’re welcome here, and I hope I’m welcome with you. Jesus didn’t hang with the popular, the snobby, the successful – as the world saw success to be. He saw people’s hearts, accepted them for who they were, and loved them unconditionally. His close circle stuck with Him, and with His power, they literally changed the world. I’m not suggesting that you hang with “a better crowd” as the culture defines success. But, instead, be inspired by one another…and do BIG things.
Where Should You Look?
Thinking back, the best people I’ve met have been while I was volunteering. So, maybe that would be an excellent place to start. Here are some ideas!
- Find a vibrant and alive church. Good churches do work in their community and offer lots of opportunities to help others. And hey, who doesn’t need more spirituality in their life?
- Habitat for Humanity builds homes for families who need them. You don’t have to have a lot of skill, and the work builds camaraderie so you can get to know people.
- Serve on a board for a cause you believe in. Others there will be people who also believe in it.
- Volunteer with the Red Cross. They serve in nearly every neighborhood, which is convenient and you’ll likely meet like-minded people near you.
In truth, doing good should never be about what you get. But, there are natural consequences to every action – good and terrible. This may start you off in the right direction, not just in finding a worthwhile partner but in finding some exemplary lifelong friends.
I wrote a letter to my nieces and nephews called What to Know Before Choosing a Spouse. In it, I wrote more detail on things they should look for. It includes some checklists. You’re welcome to eavesdrop.
Post worth reading:
Connie Stemmle | You Are the Average of the Five People Quote: 5 Lessons