Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
You’ve heard that, right? A man named Solomon wrote it in about 10th-century bc. Solomon was a king of the United Kingdom of Israel. He was and still is known for his great wisdom. His father was King David. You know – David from the David and Goliath story? Some family, huh? This poem is in the book Song of Solomon in the Bible and is interpreted in many ways.
One way is that romantic love is invincible, and we can’t give up. But those of us who’ve been battered by love may see these as nothing but pretty words. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I’d like to suggest that we can all obtain long-lasting love. No, not the fake love that Hollywood portrays. But real relationships where unconditional love rules and you are more important than me. If I’m going to explain it well, though, we must start at the beach.
My hubby and I are oceanholics. We spend every vacation at the beach, and when we’re not at the beach, we talk about being at the beach.
When we’re there, we do what lovers do. Bobby draws a heart in the sand, writes “B + L” inside of it, and we snap a picture. I love this tradition. After taking the latest picture, Bobby took a walk on the beach while I finished the last few chapters of a book. As the tide came in, my eyes kept straying to the ocean, creeping closer and closer to our heart. Nooooo! Then, I remembered Solomon, and I yelled, “Many waters cannot quench love, Ocean!” I yelled that! On the inside. I‘m crazy, but I keep that crazy to myself.
Then there’s real life.
But, if you’ve been around the block like I have, you might know that there are plenty of things that try to quench love – things that are, in fact, the mortal enemy of love.
Here’s how writer Jeanette Winterson states it in her book On The Body: “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. What then kills love? Only this: Neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things. Not to make the road wide for you, the table spread for you. To choose you out of habit not desire, to pass the flower seller without a thought. To leave the dishes unwashed, the bed unmade, to ignore you in the mornings, make use of you at night. To crave another while pecking your cheek. To say your name without hearing it, to assume it is mine to call.”
I, like Jeanette, am not a newlywed with stars in her eyes. I am a wife who has weathered some storms. I’m also a wife who’s beyond grateful for a husband who gives me the good love. The always love.
And a woman who has counseled couples through to reconciliation in their relationship.
How I see it
The ones who make it are the ones who refuse to see any other option. Understand that I’m not talking to absolutely everyone here. If you have a broken marriage, I don’t know what you’ve been through. And if you are being abused, get out now. But many of us know that we could have tried harder or done things differently. If that’s you, it’s not too late to learn. To try. For this relationship right now or the one that’s coming.
Have you heard this story from World War II? Someone asked the Queen of England if she planned to evacuate her children from London because the bombing of the city was so severe. She replied, “The children won’t leave unless I leave. I won’t leave unless the King leaves. And the King won’t leave under any circumstances whatsoever.”
That’s the way to think of marriage. I won’t leave under any circumstances whatsoever. True love is invincible because love never ends. Water cannot wash it away. It endures to the end of time. There will be challenges in marriage, I know. But be undeterred. No matter what, refuse to evacuate London.
But how?
I know that it’s easy to say don’t give up. Love endures. Blah blah blah. But why? And how?
“The why” is because while it may feel hard sometimes, it’s worth it. If you give up without going through the hard stuff then start again with another – you’re going to have to go through the hard stuff anyway. The other side of The Hard is where The Love is found.
“The how?” Well, that’s the hard part, right? Once both of you have determined that you’re doing it no matter what, though, in my experience, you’re almost guaranteed success. There are lots of avenues that offer help for your relationship. The avenue depends on severity and issues. Marriage counseling is always a viable option. I give practical, real-life advice here. Perhaps you could binge-read some posts like you binge-watch Netflix just this once? Please interact with me in the comments, and let’s reason together.
Begin here: In The Middle
A post worth reading: Robert Talbbi | What You Can Really Expect From Couples Therapy