The Delicate Dance of Love: Finding and Ending Relationships with Care
My husband Bobby and I are musicians who thrive on the thrill of open mics—events where you sign up, get called, and perform with a mix of strangers in front of a live audience. The unpredictability of who you’ll share the stage with makes every performance an adventure.
Recently, I stumbled across this mesmerizing video and realized that it’s the same thing—except it’s for dancers. Have you seen these videos? They’re magical, I tell you! This one is my favorite. How do they manage to perform so seamlessly? How do they communicate with just their bodies during the dance? How do they not trip?
I. Would. Definitely. Trip.
The romance of the dance captivated me, and one evening while cuddling on the couch, I shared the video with Bobby. We ended up binge-watching these dance videos together. The song accompanying the dance is called “The Mates of Soul,” a clever twist on the word “soulmates.” The lyrics are poetic, and the singing and music? Wow. I fell in love with the song instantly. Wanna watch? It’s only 2 minutes long. I’ll wait.
So good, right? But one day while driving, the song unexpectedly played on my Spotify. Ohhhh. Yay!
I listened closely. Wait just a minute. This song isn’t romantic at all; it’s actually a breakup song. Whuuuuuuut?!??
If you’re like me, you’ll want to see the lyrics.
In the song, the artist questions the idea of soulmates. He explains that this is why he never called her his soulmate. Then, he gently ends the relationship. I think I appreciate the song even more now because of how wisely he handled the delicate situation. It got me thinking…
We can’t control other people’s emotions. But, as much as it depends on us, how can we protect others’ hearts while navigating the search for our lifelong partner? While there’s no “one-size-fits-all” guide for relationships, knowing what to avoid is just as important as knowing what to nurture.
Don’t rush it.
In a new relationship, it’s natural to feel eager to move things forward. However, rushing can create unnecessary pressure, unrealistic expectations, and emotional burnout, potentially sabotaging what could have become a long-term relationship. It’s perfectly fine to sit back and let it evolve naturally in its own time.
Additionally, rushing to define labels or expecting commitment too soon can lead us to give away parts of ourselves that are meant to be cherished. Every time we share our feelings, body, or soul, pieces of us stay with that other person. These pieces are lost and cannot be given to our lifelong partner. It matters. Just wait. If it’s real, waiting will only make it better. If you find that this relationship isn’t meant to be long-lasting, you’ll be glad you saved these precious gifts.
If you know me personally or from being here with me, you know that I adore my husband, Bobby. And he adores me. People often comment on the way we look at each other. Our feelings show in our eyes, our voices, our body language—everything. There are many reasons for that, but one significant reason is the way he always respects me. Going back to when we met at a club, he didn’t ask me to dance until the very end of the night. I thought it was because he wasn’t interested. I found out many years later, and only after asking, that he didn’t think it would be right to ask me to dance for the first time during a slow song. He was waiting for a fast one, and I was dancing a lot. That may sound extreme to you; it was new to me. But take a moment to think about the times you’ve been used, taken advantage of, or not respected. This is the opposite. Ever since that night, he has shown the same care and respect for me. He didn’t hold my hand, kiss me for the first time, or tell me he loved me without being very sure about his feelings. He didn’t want to mislead or disrespect me in any way. He was taking care of my heart as well as his own.
This is the one you wait for. You’re worth it. This is the one to emulate. They’re worth it—even if they are the one on the way to The One. Just wait.
How to end it with the one who’s not The One
Don’t Disappear
Ghosting someone only benefits one person: you. The person doing the ghosting avoids facing the person they’re breaking up with, doesn’t have to explain themselves, and doesn’t see the pain on the other person’s face. So, don’t fool yourself into thinking that ghosting is the kindest option. It’s not.
Tell the Truth
How many times have you heard, “It’s not about you, it’s me,” or “I’m just too busy with work to be in a relationship right now”? These explanations often feel insincere, and they probably do to you, too. Answer their questions honestly. If an old boyfriend has reappeared or you don’t have romantic feelings for them, let them know. Give them some closure. Be kind.
Be Mindful of Your Words
Think of your mouth as a gate, and you’re the gatekeeper. You control what comes out. Wait! Didn’t I just say to be honest? Yes, but honesty means ensuring what you say is true, not saying everything that’s true.
Don’t Drag It Out
Sometimes when some people no longer want to be with someone, they start texting and calling less, don’t respond regularly, and spend less time together. Sometimes they mean well, but pulling the band-aid off quickly is always better for the other person. Or, sometimes it’s a selfish gesture. The person is wavering, afraid of being lonely, so they hang on a bit. Just in case. Or they break up and come back over and over. Doing this repeatedly isn’t good for anyone.
