Fighting To Save Your Marriage

They came to see us. We ordered pizza and got acquainted on the patio. He had placed his wedding ring inside a white envelope, wrote a note, and left it on the dresser for her to find. Over the coming weeks, we talked – but mostly listened. And beheld two incredible people fighting to save their marriage and winning BIG. It’s not always like that. Some call but never come. Others come so that they can say they did. Many have seen too much water go under that bridge. It’s not always true, but usually, the reality is this: nearly every problem is a motivation problem. I can usually tell in the first few meetings how it’s going to go.

Some challenges are more formidable, take longer, and get downright UGLY. But I can tell. You can, too. You need to ask yourself one question.

But First, A Racing Story

My husband, Bobby, is a professional drag racer. We were married two years when we took out a loan for the funny car. The only piece of racing equipment in our possession that would work in the new operation was a handheld toolbox. With a few tools in it. We started in a cool exhibition circuit and eventually moved up to competition in NHRA Top Alcohol. We worked haaaaaard and qualified only when the field wasn’t full. However we kept going, and we got better.

My high-achieving, workaholic husband was obsessed, and I worried about him. One time an NHRA official had to threaten him with disqualification if he didn’t stop working to eat a hamburger. Truth.

And, we kept improving. He had come such a long way, but it was hard for him to see his success. I often reminded him to look behind and be thankful. I knew many who sat where we used to sit, and wanted to be him.

The time came when he started winning more regularly: regional championship, national events, Driver Of The Year…

One year, something BIG happened.

We won three separate races by beating the same team! What made this accomplishment so overwhelming wasn’t so much the WHAT, but the WHO. They were talented. Experienced. Champions. Funded. (OK, I’ll say it. They were loaded. We were not.)

It was particularly noteworthy that year how gracious they were in their losses. They actually made jokes about it! When we lost, it was hard to even be in our pit area afterward. And our home for that matter.  At the time, I remember thinking that it would be a heck of a lot easier to be that owner’s wife. Haha! Buuuut, writing helps me get my thoughts clear. And I wonder now…

Was this a matter of motivation? Whose credibility depended more on winning these races? Who needed it to pay the bills? Who needed to impress sponsors more?

Let’s Ask Al Pacino What He Thinks

I just remembered that Al Pacino has never been married. Why am I asking him about this subject? What is wrong with me? (Don’t answer that.)

Pacino starred in the movie, Any Given Sunday. The film’s premise is pretty simple: Tony D’Amato is the coach of a once-great football team that is now riddled with injuries and internal friction and struggles to make the playoffs. Before the big game, D’Amato strives to motivate his team to heal, unify, and win.

The Iconic Locker Room Speech

“I’ll tell you this: in any fight, it is the guy who is willing to die, who is going to win that inch. And I know if I am going to have any life anymore it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch because that is what living is. The six inches in front of your face.”

If you agree that many of life’s problems are a motivation problem, do you think your marriage is? Be honest. Here’s the question I’ve been dyin’ to ask you.

Are you fighting to save your marriage — all day, all night, forever, until it is saved? 

If you’ve been with me for long, you know how I feel about music. Here’s the song that spoke to me this time: Maybe I’m Amazed.

I am sure that Paul & Linda McCartney had times when they could have called it quits. And with that, I think I’ll just drop the mic.

Extras

Here’s the powerful scene with Mr. Pacino.

I wrote some other thoughts about how accountability factors in fighting to save your marriage.