These pictures, taken at two different times, are remarkably similar. One is of my parents-in-law, and the other is of my husband and me.
However, while the look of these pictures may be coincidental, the story these pictures reveal indeed IS NOT.
I met my husband in September of 1981, and three months later, I was on my way to Western New York to meet his whole family for Christmas. I was a wreck.
This man is an introvert, and he was still very much a mystery. I knew the basics about his family: two parents, one brother, two sisters. Oh, and I knew that his mom was concerned that I might be too young for him—stomach drop.
As we approached the front door of his parent’s house, I heard a boisterous yell and the sound of running feet. The door opened, and a laughing, beautiful woman threw herself into Bobby’s arms. They hugged each other enthusiastically, their words rising, falling, colliding. It was loud! I was captivated. He quickly introduced her as his youngest sister. I was ushered into their warm home, where laughter and love presided. I immediately felt at home as his mom hugged me, his dad offered me a drink, and everyone surrounded me, all talking.
Throughout that visit, I watched. And studied. There was a lot to see. But! The thing that was the best, no — stunning — was the relationship between his mom and dad. They had been married for 26 years by this time. They were so romantic together. She sat on his lap. They laughed together a ton. And the way they looked at each other was enchanting. It was plain to see that they had a special love. Honestly, I had never seen anything like it.
This visit gave me insights into this new man in my life.
I am so happy that I got to know and love Bobby’s mom because she died of cancer before we even got engaged. It was a hard, hard thing for everyone. A few years later, Dad and the whole family were blessed to welcome his wonderful new wife into the family. She’s beautiful inside and out, and Dad has fervently loved her for over 25 years. Look at that picture above, and you’ll see what I mean.
My husband talks of his father with the utmost respect. He says that his dad wasn’t the kind of father who would intentionally teach things to him. He didn’t come up with lessons or employ “intentional teaching strategies.” There is nothing wrong with these things; in fact, they are excellent. But Dad just lived a consistent life of integrity in front of his children.
One of the lessons Dad modeled to Bobby was how to be a stellar husband. I have thanked Dad for this in many birthday cards over the years. It wasn’t a fluke. Not surprisingly, his siblings all reflect the lessons learned from their beautiful parents within their own lives today as they love and parent.
Every parent wants the best for their children. Parents ardently wish and pray that their children will find happiness in their marriage. The top way to do that is to model the best kind of marriage in front of them. If you haven’t fared so well thus far, I promise it’s not too late. Showing your kids how not to do something, followed by how to do something, can be pretty effective.
If you haven’t experienced this kind of love in your family and don’t know how to create it, I understand. I have some of that in my family, too. More specifically, my mom did. I witnessed her turning things around for her family, and her daughter is very grateful. I’ll share the link at the end to her story.
So, how do you create your Long Line of Love? Well, there are lots of ways, but you need to seek them actively. If you don’t come from one, it has to start somewhere. If you are blessed with that inheritance, you are a key player in keeping it going strong for your ancestors.
- Many pieces of advice are located in this blog. If this isn’t your cup of tea, there are lots of other great marriage blogs. Look around, save a few as your favorites and pick some regular quiet time to look them over. Perhaps over your morning coffee on the weekend? You can subscribe to mine, and I’ll send you an email every time I write a new one.
- I have learned the most about marriage and parenting over the years from Focus On The Family. Check them out online. For years I have listened to them on the radio. They are international. On my radio station, they have half-hour segments at 7 am and 8 pm every day. Very convenient. And the talk is engaging and practical.
- If you struggle with past hurts or with relationships, seek counseling.
- Read books! I have some favorites: Love and Respect, For Women Only, The Love Dare, 5 Love Languages
- Talk to each other and decide what you should do to enhance your marriage.
- Do you know someone who has a marriage that you would like to have? Invite them for lunch and ask them their secrets. I find that older people, who have had time to reflect on their decisions, wrong and right, are incredibly insightful.
Here’s Mom’s story, and how she managed to turn things around. Her daughter is very grateful to her.
A post worth reading: Jenna McCarthy | What Kids Learn From Your Marriage
I wish a Long Line of Love to you and to all of your future generations.