I love romantic books and movies — I am the Hey Get A Room girl after all. My husband has offered romantic gestures, even grand ones, in the traditional ways: flowers, expensive dinners, candlelight, and candy. Those things are lovely. I enjoy them immensely. But, before I met him, other men offered me those same gestures. Those should be part of the repertoire if you’re doing dating right. But men and women who want to earn their Advanced Certification in Romance? Keep doing that stuff. And add those things that show that you get them. Know them. Appreciate their uniqueness.
I call it Uncommon Romance.
Let me explain.
My husband likes to keep everything. Not only that, but he wants to see everything he has, not put it away in a digital file or filing cabinet. I am the opposite. I like order. I told the story Flying Underwear about how this philosophical difference caused friction in our relationship for years culminating in ONE HUGE BLOWOUT where underwear literally flew! He can get quite passionate. And while I have a very long fuse, when that fuse is lit, The Redhead comes out. Whoa. You can read that funny and embarrassing story; it taught us both a lot. I learned a lesson about respect and how important it is to show it. This story, from years later, is proof of the lesson he learned. In a most enchanting and uncommon way.
It started with a phone call.
Him: Hi, Darling! Are you home?
Her: Yeah!
Him: I’m sending you a present. It’ll be there in a half hour.
Her: Oooooh, what is it?
Him: It’s a surprise. But you need to move the Durango.
Her: (Blink. Blink. Blink.)
Him: Still there?
Her: Is it a car?
Him: It’s a surprise.
Her: But. Is it a car?????
Him: It’s a surprise!! Bye!
Right on time, up the driveway comes a big, dirty, beat-up…dumpster. You read it right. It was a dumpster. And it was beautiful. Romantic, in fact.
I said what I said.
That dumpster was evidence that my husband got me. Loved me. You really need to read the “Flying Underwear” story to get what this gesture truly meant. This same man who had exploded in anger when I tried to organize him decided to get a dumpster. He sacrificed what he wanted and offered it to me as a gift. A surprise. With a smile on his face and a promise to help me fill it to the brim.
Best gift everrr. Seriously.
There are some principles to glean from the dumpster. Allow me to expound.
- Know your partner’s love language. Everyone is different. Some people like gifts. Some acts of service. Others, touch. There are five. We tend to show love to our partners in our own love language instead of theirs, so to make a gift or gesture really count, you need to know the best way to do it. Here’s a quick rundown on them.
- Get your Ph.D. regarding your partner. To “rent the dumpster,” you have to really know your partner.
- Learn to accept your partners’ differences and don’t try and change them. Some differences are unhealthy; in that case, do what you can to encourage growth and change in your partner. But Bobby and I learned over the years that most of our differences are just that. Different. We’ve learned to live very harmoniously. No more flying underwear!
- Sometimes sacrifice needs to happen. Often “renting the dumpster” might be a true sacrifice. But usually, you get what you give eventually.
- No gift can be enjoyed or even appreciated if given grudgingly. Bobby helped me fill that dumpster, and we had fun doing it. We put our eyes on most things in it and shared some memories. I kidded him about some of the useless stuff that had resided in our home for years, and he gave it right back to me as he tossed it in. We actually had fun working our behinds off filling that sucker up. We filled it so high that I wondered if all the stuff would stay inside it as I watched it go back down the drive.
Due to this unexpected gift, we have cleared our office of clutter. We’ve remodeled it, and I work from home three days a week in a beautiful, peaceful space that I love. We’re talking about turning part of our basement into an area we can invite our friends to make music together. Bobby and I perform Blues music and envision a stage filled with a backline of drums and amps for our friends to come and have fun with us.
And it all started with Uncommon Romance.
I mentioned that romantic gestures should be part of the repertoire if you’re doing dating right, yeah? Wanna know more? Classic Rules For Dating In The Modern World.
I have comedy jokes!
What do you call a broken dumpster?
A trash can’t.
My son jumped into a dumpster to retrieve his ball.
He hasn’t bin seen since.
I didn’t say they were funny. 🙂
