Who Are You Listening To?

Who are you listening to?

Your answer could perhaps be the difference in finding and keeping a wonderful, fulfilling love relationship or not. In fact, it could make a difference in how your whole life works out.

I recently read the results of a study conducted by Pew Research in January 2025 called “Men, Women and Social Connections.” It explores the loneliness of men and women, and what they each do when they need emotional support.

The study found that there are notable differences between men and women in terms of social connection and emotional support. While both genders report similar levels of loneliness, women are more proactive in seeking emotional support from family, friends, and mental health professionals. Additionally, women maintain more frequent communication with their close friends through various channels like texting, social media, and phone calls.

Men, on the other hand, tend to rely less on their networks for social and emotional support.

This research checks out from what I have seen. When I’m counseling struggling couples, one of the first questions I ask them is who they are talking to about their marriage. Men typically say no one; women usually say their moms, sisters and especially girlfriends. Sometimes, women will say a therapist.

It’s really wise to talk to others when you’re lonely. But WHO you talk to is even more important than that because listening to someone who is not equipped to help you can send you in the wrong direction.

I once heard a pastor say that the people you listen to are a preview of the future you.

He said…the people you listen to are a preview of the future you. Let that sink in. I’ll wait.

Doesn’t that make sense?

It’s not uncommon for me to hear women complaining about their marriage or relationship to one another. This happens everywhere: seated next to me at lunch, at their desks at work, on their cell phone…well, everywhere. I have an interest in these things and, hey they’re putting it out there in public, so I usually tune in to hear what comes back the other way.

I’m not a psychologist, counselor, nor therapist. But I am asked often to counsel couples concerning their relationships. And I’m a wife. I know what I hope would happen if I or my husband were sincerely distraught and needing advice about our relationship.

See if you agree.

I would want confidentiality.

Honestly, when I hear private words being batted back and forth like a tennis ball with no regard for who is listening, I cringe for the one being discussed.

It’s very wise to seek counsel, but it should be sought with discretion and respect for one’s partner. Loyalty is owed.

I would want the person giving advice to have some credibility. 

Let’s go back. If the people you listen to are a preview of the future you, who do you want to be? Are you seeking advice from a professional? Or at least someone who has demonstrated that they can work inside a solid and successful relationship over time?

Is what they say consistent with wise Godly counsel?

For me, someone’s source of truth and counsel needs to be grounded in what God thinks. I don’t know what you think about God. You might not think religion is your thing. You might never have thought about tapping into the mind of God for wisdom. That’s OK. Just hear me out. It’s always worked for me.

Richard Feynman was an American theoretical physicist known for his work in the path integral formulation of quantum mechanics, the theory of quantum electrodynamics, and the physics of the superfluidity of supercooled liquid helium, as well as in particle physics. For his contributions to the development of quantum electrodynamics, he received the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1965.

In 1979, he was named the smartest man in the world by Omni Magazine. His mother said this: “If that’s the world’s smartest man, God help us.”

While I puzzle over the reason behind Mrs. Feynman’s words, she’s exactly right. I don’t know what the theory of quantum electro blah blah blah is, but I do know this. The smartest man in the world can’t hold a candle to the one who put the stars into place and told the oceans where to stop. The smartest man in the world didn’t create you. And the smartest man in the world certainly doesn’t know you personally, love you immeasurably, and care about you and the situation in which you find yourself. So, for my money, if I’m going to listen to a person, I want them to be listening to God.

How do you find such a person? I would seek out a pastor, a professional Christian counselor, a mature leader in a church, or a trusted and mature Christian family member or friend who has a solid and successful marriage.

I pray that you will listen to the right people now. Future You will be thankful.

Important note: If you or your children are being abused or in danger of any kind, get out quickly. Worry about figuring out the rest after you are safe.

This information I wrote might help you, too. It’s about working as a team.

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