Backup Singers

Kid Rock was electrifying the stage at a live concert on TV recently and the energy was palpable. The band was on fire, and the crowd was a sea of hands waving and voices singing along. But amidst the rock ‘n’ roll frenzy, one backup singer stole the show. Her vibrant dancing and soulful singing were nothing short of extraordinary. Without her, the concert would have lacked the burst of color and love she brought to every note.

I believe we all have backup singers in our lives—those who cheer us on and those who cast shadows of doubt. These individuals can either elevate us or pull us down, and their influence on our marriages is profound. Reflecting on my own marriage, I realize how these voices have shaped our journey. It’s made me think about the importance of surrounding ourselves with positive influences and being mindful of the impact we have on others. Just like that extraordinary backup singer at the concert, we can choose to add harmony and support to the duets around us, offering encouragement and love to help each other thrive.

Our Backup Singers

Throughout every year of our marriage, people have commented on our strong physical connection and affection toward one another and then would jokingly tell us to get a room. Ever wonder where the blog name comes from? And in the earlier years, after people would tell us to get a room, many would not-so-jokingly follow with, “Just wait until you’ve been married [however many] years. Younger Me might have been young, but she was comprehending a lot more than she was hearing.

I didn’t have much guidance on marriage growing up, as I rarely saw healthy relationships around me. That all changed when I met my husband Bobby’s parents at eighteen. Their example was a game changer for me. I’ll share a link to that story below—it truly transformed my perspective!

Who are you letting into your marriage and your life? Is someone leading your duet off-key? On the other hand, who helps bring harmony to your marriage? For those of you with discordant backup singers in your life, I’ve written a few things that might help, and I’ll share the links at the end.

This time, though, I thought I’d think about it from the other side. How can we be great backup singers to the marriages of our family members, friends, and coworkers? The only reason that I write this blog is because I want to help others with their relationships. But you can do it, too! Regardless of your relationship status, experience, or even level of success, you can help marriages.

Backup Singer Tips

• • In the words of my grandma, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” If you’re discouraged by your own relationship, I’m truly sorry, and I love you. Please consider getting some counseling. In the meantime, it doesn’t help you to discourage someone else. Get the help you need and please let the starry-eyed keep their sparkle.
  • Grandmas, uncles, and neighbors who have a successful track record in marriage can hugely impact others. You might think you have nothing to share, but you do. You do! Ask a newlywed over for dinner. Go on double dates with that younger couple next door and tell your story. More importantly, build a relationship and let others see how a successful relationship looks.
  • Don’t let a hurting family member or friend who’s pulling away from others keep you from loving and caring for them. Press in and ask the question, “How can I help you?” Leverage your relationship whenever possible to be an upbeat backup singer to that duet.
  • Be transparent about your failures and non-judgmental. Let’s face it, we all have fallen short, and those are the best lessons to share. Everyone needs to know they aren’t alone in failing and that failure is not the end of the story.
  • Give relationship and marriage help books to your family members and friends. I have some favorites! Love and Respect, For Women Only, The Love Dare, 5 Love Languages.
  • Avoid hitting the ‘like’ button on social media or agreeing when one spouse rants about the other. If you want to be a positive influence, model the behaviors of happy couples by not speaking disrespectfully about your spouse to others. If there are real issues in a friend’s relationship, offer private and loving support to help guide their marriage toward health.
  • Celebrate and promote dating and engagements! For example, send engagement cards and gifts. Use these opportunities to show them that you care about their relationship and are there for them.
  • Keep a secret. Everyone should know that if they tell you something, it’s not repeated. Ever.