Dear Younger Me
Today, Bobby and I celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. According to statistics, we have entered a unique, exclusive club: one for couples whose marriages have not only lasted longer than most, but have become even stronger as the years went by.
Through every single year of our marriage, people have commented on our strong physical connection and affection toward one another. In the earlier years of our marriage, after people would tell us to get a room (yep, that’s where the blog name comes from), they inevitably would follow it up with “Well, just wait until you’ve been married ___ years.”
Wow…thanks for the insight. It was truly disconcerting to hear this over and over again. Well, more than disconcerting. At times, it was downright scary. “Thanks for the insight” sounds like sarcasm. OK, sue me. It is sarcasm. But looking back, it was insight into something important. That comment, over and over, is honest expression of a common and deeply hurtful disillusionment many feel about their relationship.
But don’t be discouraged or scared, Younger Me. It’s possible to stay in love! But you have to understand – really understand – something important. Something life changing.
I don’t know how you feel about God. You may not know much about Him. Or worse, certain people may have done things to you and it’s left a bad taste in your mouth about Him. But, people are people. Jesus is The King of Love. He died for love of you. He understands it like no other.
He said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
You probably came into this relationship with certain standards. You expected security, support, appreciation, affection, encouragement, comfort and respect. And, as a product of this culture, you may have a low threshold of relational pain. Everyone says that if you’re unhappy in this relationship, it’s because you chose the wrong person. You might even have to abort and choose someone else.
N
o. Jesus is advising you to LOVE. He was a rebel; he turned everything we thought to be the right way on its head. He still does. Jesus made Love a verb. Jesus made Love a verb. You have to act on it. It’s not about what you get. Give. Submit to one another. Give priority to your partner in your daily decisions and actions.
I know. It’s backwards, but it’s the secret sauce. Do this, and you’ll get so much more than you can even imagine. I promise.
If this information hit home for you, I’ve written a lot of things on how to follow through. Start with this one.
