The Wall For Us All
Drag racing is dangerous. Over the years, we have seen race cars crash over and over again. The two most common safety issues with our class, Alcohol Funny Car, are engine fires and hitting the wall. Often these both happen in the same instance.
My husband is a professional drag racer. Bobby has been on fire three times. Believe me, it’s horrifying to watch the most precious thing in your life barreling away from you at 250+ mph and engulfed in flames. First you pray, but you can’t help wondering what’s going on in there. Are the flames coming inside yet? Did the explosion knock him out? The crew jumps in the tow vehicle and before the truck is even underway, Safety Safari is pulling out and is to the race car before it’s even stopped. I love these men and women. They sit in the heat of the day all day with full fire gear on, ready and alert for this situation. They have saved the day over and over. Besides managing the Safety Safari, NHRA also puts the rules in place making it possible for racers to be safe.
Bobby has never hit the wall. Hitting it can happen through no fault of the driver, but after years of watching runs from the starting line, I know that he has a gift of knowing how to keep the car in the groove. He also has judgement inside the car and can make the right decisions in an instant like knowing when to shut it off to avoid disaster.
“The wall” is the concrete barrier on either side of the track that keeps the car from going off the track. It’s similar to a guardrail on the highway.
As bad as it is to hit the wall, it would be infinitely worse to not have a wall at all. No one plans for an accident. The crew is following their routine. The driver is focused on nailing the reaction time. Photographers are positioning to get the shot. The car leaves, and in the stands Dad and his kids are holding their ears astounded at how loud and fast the cars are. Then it happens.
The Wall is protection. For the photographer. For Dad and his kids. For the driver. For everyone.
According to legendary drag racer Don “The Snake” Prudhomme, here’s what it was like before NHRA added guardrails:
“In those early days, sometimes you’d get to a track for the first time and go, ‘Holy [cow]. Guardrails? Forget about it. Safety crews? They came much later. The shutoff area was the main thing that we were concerned about. First thing we always did was go down there and decide where we’d get the chute out or where you could go in case you got in trouble. I always kept a guy down at the other end with a fire extinguisher, and sometimes if we were having troubles with the car, I’d get one of my guys down to wear my spare firesuit in case I needed help getting out.” On the Road Again, Phil Burgess
Life is a lot like drag racing. It needs guardrails. Guardrails allow us to do fun things. Incredible things. Things we are meant to do. Were made to do. Guardrails keep us from hurting ourselves and others.
I’ve been honored to counsel people when they’re in trouble. If you’ve counseled for any length of time, you know that our greatest regrets in life usually fall into two categories: Sex and Money. I talked about money in Put Money in Its Place. There are many things to regret concerning sex; infidelity is a big one.
In Put Money in Its Place I spoke about how our culture tempts us to do things that are disastrous for us and then after we do it, that same culture ridicules us. This is certainly true when we step outside the line concerning sex. Think Tiger Woods. So much for a clean image. He sparked one of the biggest scandals of all time when it was revealed that he cheated on his wife with scores of women. His wife divorced him, his sponsors deserted him, and his personal failure became a source of gossip everywhere. His career and life was seriously sidelined for a very long time. This same thing happens outside of the public arena everyday, but it’s just as ruinous.
So I’m proposing that you put into place your own guardrails, those things that you decide will keep you from disaster related to sex. Hitting the guardrail alerts you that you’re going too far, and it’s much better than going into the area past the guardrail. Everyone should decide on their own, but I’ll share ours.
One more word first. Some of you are going to read this and think it’s extreme. Or think you got this and it’s not needed for you. Don “The Snake” Prudhomme used to think it too, until he started to lose his friends. Ego can be the greatest enemy of wisdom. Snake later became a member of the Professional Racers’ Assn.’s Safety and Rules Committee, which has been credited with saving the lives of racers.
Here we go.
Realize the grass is not likely greener elsewhere. Don’t compare your partner to what you think others are like. Everyone – your partner and the ones you compare them to – are all flawed human beings. You know all of your partner’s weaknesses. You haven’t begun to understand someone else’s.
Spend time together. We all have a deep need to be loved, wanted, and cared for. Date nights are a must to keep things humming along.
Keep it hot. If the bedroom needs some improving, make it a priority. Psychology Today’s article “The Truth About Men and Sex” says that for men, “Sex is love. Sexual release makes men feel like they are finally home. After the world’s hurts and challenges, sex embodies love and care and provides soothing and support. While he may be accused of only wanting sex, most men want and feel a much more emotional connection than a simple bodily release. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity, faith and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship.”
It’s not just sex. How much more tempted will a husband be to find sex where he shouldn’t if that person offers soothing, support, an emotional connection, and a deep feeling of attachment and reassurance? You need to be freely offering that. A lot.
Avoid spending significant alone time with the opposite sex. This one sounds extreme to a lot of our friends, and sometimes it can be awkward trying to explain. But, we’ve agreed that whenever we can, we just avoid it. Of course, neither of us think we’re irresistible or anything. But if significant alone time with your partner develops a closer relationship, shouldn’t you save that time and the feelings that result for them? If I’m going to have a man as a best friend, that man is going to be Bobby.
Avoid any and all secrets. We know all the passwords. Our phones are wide open territory. Our shared bank account is view-able by both of us. Nothing is off limits. Our digital lives are so open that we often have a hard time surprising one another. I was trying to secretly research guitar amps one time for a gift, and within minutes Bobby was seeing ads about the exact model. But so be it. It’s one way we show our openness and trust in each other, and it shuts off any avenue for secrets.
Keep your private feelings private. This is huge. Don’t emotionally confide in a member of the opposite gender. This can lead to what is called an emotional affair. It can lead you right to a physical one, too. If you feel like you can’t confide in your partner, you need to ask yourself why. What is it that makes you turn to others? When you open up to a member of the opposite sex who isn’t your partner, what you are really saying is, “I need to talk – and I don’t want to do it with my partner.” Rather, open up to your partner on a regular basis. Make sure they know your thoughts, dreams, worries, happy moments, and whatever else you have on your mind. Make them your #1 go-to on all-things-you, and expect the same in return.
Don’t speak badly of your partner. Talk ’em up. Even if you feel like you need to “vent,” speaking negatively about your partner to others won’t do much to help. We all have problems, and we all have things to work on in our relationship. Save those conversations for just the two of you.
Never, ever flirt with anyone but your partner. Never. Ever. Ever. It’s not innocent. It’s not harmless, and it can lead to trouble.
This guy is really happy for the guardrail. So is the driver. It’s a smart thing to do.
4 Comments
Ron Blanford
Great advice as always Lori. Miss seeing you and Bobby
Lori
Thank you, Ron! Miss you, too.
Donna Hazelman
Thank you for sharing, Lori! Great advice for everyone!! Love and miss you both!!
Lori
I’m glad you find it to be helpful! I love you, too.