How to Show Your Partner Unconditional Love

In July of 1961, the Green Bay Packers football team was gathered for the first day of training camp. The previous season had ended with a painful defeat when they threw away a lead late in the 4th quarter and lost the NFL Championship to the Philadelphia Eagles.

The off-season was brutal, and the players were looking forward to focusing on new things they could do to help them win a championship. Their coach, Vince Lombardi, had a different idea. “Gentlemen,” he said, holding a pigskin in his right hand, “this is a football.” 

Lombardi was coaching a group of professional athletes who had come within minutes the previous season of winning the Super Bowl. Yet, he started from the very beginning.  Lombardi’s methodical coverage of the basics continued throughout training camp. Each player reviewed how to block and tackle. They opened up the playbook and started from page one.

The 1961 season was the beginning of Vince Lombardi’s reign as one of the greatest football coaches of all-time. He won five NFL Championships.

When I hear stories of successful people and their methods, my mind always goes to relationships. Hey, it’s my thing. Ha! If focusing on the fundamentals is what determines our results, what are the fundamentals of success for marriage and relationships?

“Gentlemen,” he said, holding a pigskin in his right hand, “this is a football.” 

I realize that many people who follow what I write may have never read the Bible. Or even believe in God. That’s OK. You’re welcome here with me.  And I hope I am welcome with you. I really don’t think that it can be argued too much though that what God says in Galatians 5:22-23 are pretty good fundamentals for marriage and relationships. They work really well for us.

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control.”

So, here’s my plan. This article and the next two will talk about three fruits: Love, Joy and Faithfulness.  I contend that you need the Holy Spirit’s help to produce this fruit in you, but I’ll leave that part to you. I’ll just try and explain how Bobby and I try to use this fruit produced in us to make our marriage what it is – so, so great. The beauty of it is that just like you, we’re far from perfect. But, even small gains in the basics produce huge results.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control.

The first one is LOVE.

One of my favorite songs, “Known,” is about the unconditional love God has for us. Look at the words of the chorus. Oh. My.

I’m fully known and loved by You
You won’t let go no matter what I do
And it’s not one or the other
It’s hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I’m fully known and loved by You

The more you know someone, the more faults you see. The author of the song aptly calls it “hard truth”. That’s where the phrase “the honeymoon is over” comes from, right? But what if you knew that no matter what…stop and read that again – NO MATTER WHAT – you have a person next to you who will love you anyway and never leave? That’s the ridiculous grace part. Unconditional love.

Conditional love says I will love you only if. Unconditional love says I will love you even if.

Conditional love says I don’t know if I can handle that. If things get too bad, I’m outta here. Unconditional love says I will stay with you no matter what. I will always love you, even in the tough times.

Conditional love says I might not be able to forgive you if you tell me certain things. Unconditional love says I know I’ll still love you if you tell me anything.

I said this is basic. I didn’t say it is easy.

But, if you choose not to show your partner unconditional love, your relationship will suffer. If you love each other conditionally, you’ll end up living like two immature children. And if you stay married (which is doubtful), you’ll miss out on the joy of a great marriage.

It all comes down to a decision. Will you give up the control you think you have when you love with strings? Do you really think those strings will make your partner treat you more fairly? Or keep them from leaving you?

Which person would you want? Which person would you fight to stay beside? Me? I want hard truth and ridiculous grace.

For your listening enjoyment …“Known” by Tauren Wells