The Importance of Personal Accountability in Your Relationship

 

I’m really concerned about all these Covid-19 divorces happening worldwide. Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, and the alarming rate at which this is happening is consistently rising. The percentage is even higher for second marriages.

Perhaps there needs to be more of a desire for personal accountability in marriage and less blame in relationships. Why does a husband or wife show up testifying, “Not My Fault” in so many divorce cases? And if nobody is responsible for a failed relationship, then how do you hold someone accountable in a relationship so it can work?

As a relationship expert who counsels numerous Christian couples and families with positive relationship advice, I often ask myself how effective I am? Or am I so traditional and old-fashioned that my advice might not make sense to anyone? I don’t want to add more bruises to an already battered heart.

I know how bad a relationship can be and how painful of an impact it is to everyone involved. By the same token, I know how to improve communication in marriage and how faithful relationships can ultimately win big.

I won’t bash you and your relationship

So first, let me be really clear. If you have experienced or are going through a tough relationship this is not Bash You Day. I don’t know – no one knows – all that you have gone through. Also, I know that there are circumstances in which the reasons to end a relationship are not always yours to make. Or the decision to leave HAS TO BE made. If any of this is true for you, I’m truly sorry. This article is not about how to save your relationship when it’s falling apart.

 

When we look for the best way to get out of a marriage, we unconsciously or consciously seek opinions from those we know will agree with us. These people are more likely to agree with us to justify things they have done or want to do. But that doesn’t mean they know how to save a relationship.  And even a friend who disagrees with you will find it hard to say the truth when she’s lovingly looking across the table at your painful facial expression.

So, I’ll just jump in. You probably don’t know me, and so our friendship won’t end with this. And while I’m open to your opinion and I really want to connect you on this topic, I’ll be strong enough to state that the lack of accountability in personal relationships is why a relationship might fail.

You aren’t the only reason for a failed relationship

If we’re honest with ourselves, we know that in most cases, a failed relationship is rarely one person’s fault.  And, when you ditch one person and go to the next, you take you with you. You or your partner may not have been aware of or explored the idea of your own  accountability in your relationship. After all, it’s easier to blame the person than do the work.

What Happens if You Don’t Take Accountability in Relationships Seriously

So, what do you think will happen the second time in another relationship? And how will you know that the next relationship will be even better? Everyone is imperfect, and if that person doesn’t have the character flaws that the current one has, they for sure have other ones. Maybe you don’t know what they are yet. Maybe they’re worse.

You made a promise to keep your relationship. So what would it look like to commit to figuring out how to make your relationship work without an exit clause? Where does accountability fall in? As long as you’re married to someone or have children with someone, you are accountable. When we learn how to stop the blame game in a relationship, or even worse, stop acting like we’re “The Nobody,” we learn how to become a better person in the relationship. The relationship itself may not get easier in the beginning but will get better over time.

How to stop the blame game in a relationship

Accountability in personal relationships can be even tougher if you have already gotten divorced, maybe even more than once. Part of your healing and moving on involves letting go of that blame game. You know… the little script running in and around your head.

1. Forgive yourself and try your best to forgive the other person.
2. Don’t rush into a new relationship. Accountability in personal relationships requires the gift of time. 
3. Take also some time to think about what needs to happen to make your relationship different the next time. Do you need to have better discernment about choosing the right life partner? Do you need to take some time and work on yourself? It’s worth taking the time and effort to figure this out. You’re worth it. But at the end of the day, it’s very possible that Many Waters Cannot Quench Love. 

Struggling to improve your communication in your marriage?

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