PT Barnum wrote a book called The Art of Money Getting. It’s about making and keeping money. I could never be author of that book. Frankly, I’m clueless.
We don’t have an app on our phone with stock market numbers, and we don’t have a broker. We have a 401K, but don’t ask me how it’s doing or even how much money we have in it. I use coupons only if they fall out of my purse in the checkout line. Money’s a necessary thing in this world we live in, but it’s not that important to us.
A reader recently asked me to write about finances. This request is a really good suggestion. Do you know that money is consistently a Top 5 reason for arguments between couples? Sex, too. Also, counselors say that when people have a big regret in their lives, 90% of the time, it has to do with money. Or sex. Hmn, I’m gonna have to write about sex. Man. Awkward! Not true. Okay, a little true. Back to money.
I recently re-read my response to this request and I realized that we really do have a philosophy about money that we have followed our whole married life. We really never needed to discuss it much, but it has saved us time and again. If you want a good step-by-step plan regarding money, check out Financial Peace University.
When I look around, I see two challenges that people have with money. One is consumption. Think “the one who dies with the most toys wins.” Our culture constantly pushes and prods us to buy the best, the biggest, and the most. The funny thing about it though is that this same culture that tempts us to the edge of what’s bad for us is the same culture that laughs at us – scorns us – when we take the bait and fail epically. Remember that. It’s certainly true for money. Companies and people who file for bankruptcy are looked down upon. Those with poor credit, too. So who are you going to listen to – the culture? Um, no. “Culture” doesn’t only include the media or some faraway unknown group of people, perhaps in LA or New York. “The culture” is us because we all fall victim to this thinking some time. We mislead ourselves and each other unwittingly every day.
A few years ago, my husband bought an awesome street car – the street car of his dreams really. It was the first brand new car he ever bought for himself. It’s a 2011 Dodge Challenger 392. Hulk has 470 horsepower, and is just the right shade of red. His comfort lulls you into forgetting that you’re riding in a Monster, then WHAM! Hence the name. Bobby loves this car. I love this car. He’s beautiful. He’s sexy. He’s perfect. But I can’t count the number of times Bobby has been asked “When are you going to get a supercharger? What mods are you getting? What have you done to it? Gonna upgrade?” And then, “When are you getting a Hellcat?” And now, “When are you getting a Demon?”
He just smiles and says that he likes Hulkster like he is. Now, I’m not saying those questions are bad. Nor would we be wrong to get mods or a Hellcat or a Demon. But as Bobby says, “Upgrade is a sales term. It just means spending.” How have we become convinced that it’s wrong to Just. Be. Content.
Again, don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying it is wrong to consume. We consume. We go places. We buy things. Some of those things are really nice. Quite expensive. What I’m talking about is just not being obsessed with money and the things it can buy. Everything is not for our consumption.
The other challenge I see is the opposite, hoarding. I’m not talking about those poor souls who can’t walk through their houses. I’m talking about those who make every decision based on where it will land them financially. It can be subtle because on the surface, it can seem prudent. But for this person, money is their chief pursuit. These are people who worry about money too much. They are not generous to others because they don’t trust that they’ll have enough. They make their gains on stocks and their growing 401-k and savings accounts the things they count on – their security blanket. These are the folks who are stingy with others. Or who fight with their brothers over their parent’s money after they’re gone, even if their parents had just a little.
These approaches are unbalanced. Both are self-centered and fueled by the same thing – greed. My advice is to shoot for somewhere in the middle. You don’t have to follow this exactly, but here’s what we do and it works for us. (Well, actually you don’t have to do any of it. But, um, you’re reading this so…LOL.)
First, GIVE generously. Even at the beginning of our marriage, we gave 10% of our income to God. That’s back when we rented our home. That’s when we owned junky, rusty cars. That’s when our spending was seriously limited because our bills took up most of our income. We just lived with much less. As the years have gone by and our situation has improved, the percentage has increased. A good portion of that goes to the church but the rest allows us to keep an eye out for those who need it. While saving and spending may have fluctuated depending on income, giving has never wavered. It’s His anyway; He’s just gracious in allowing the other two, and It. Is. A. Test. It matters to Him what we do with His money.
Second, SAVE for the future. Save what you think you should. It depends on your situation. The only thing not to forget is that your money is not and never will be your security. You really are not in control of this. 10% is a good goal.
LIVE on the rest. Once you rack up the debt, you’re paying for your banker’s pool. And for her kids’ college. For a verrrrry long time. It will become hard for you to get to the place you want to be and you’ll feel like a prisoner to it. Bobby and I went into debt for the business; I don’t regret that because it was the only way we could make the leap. But, I felt like we worked too many hours for the privilege of getting that money up front. It was maddening. I would never make that decision to be in debt for something less important. It would need to be for a business, for college, a house..but not something that looks great and makes me feel good but isn’t going to serve any other purpose.
In following these principles, a few things have happened. We live in a house below our means. We pay for things by saving for them. We’ve driven rust buckets and never went into debt for a car. What we’ve gained is breathing room – room to breathe, to be generous, to spend without worrying – to rely on God for what we need.
I can’t tell you how to become a millionaire. Or earn the best rate on your savings account. But I believe that being at peace about money, and understanding its true place in your life breaks its power. Bobby and I’ve never fought about money. Not once. It’s just not that important.