Uncommon Romance

I love romantic books and movies — I’m the Hey Get A Room girl, right? My husband has offered romantic gestures, even grand ones, in the traditional ways: flowers, expensive dinners, candlelight, and candy. Those things are lovely. I enjoy them immensely. But, other men have offered me many of those same gestures. (Obviously, before The One came along.)  Those should be part of the repertoire if you’re doing dating right. I expound in Classic Rules For Dating In The Modern World. But, men and women who want to earn their Advanced Certification in Romance? Keep doing that stuff. But add those things that show that you get them. Know them. Appreciate their uniqueness. I call it Uncommon Romance.

Let me explain.

My husband likes to keep everything. Not only that, but he wants to see everything he has, not put it away in a drawer or filing cabinet. I am the opposite. I like order. I told the story Flying Underwear about how this philosophical difference caused friction in our relationship for years culminating in ONE HUGE BLOWOUT where underwear literally flew! He can get quite passionate. And while I have a very long fuse, when that fuse is lit, The Redhead comes out. Whoa. You can read that funny and embarrassing story; it taught us a lot. That story focused primarily on how to decipher what is an issue worth dying on the hill for. I learned that this was not one of those issues and learned to live with my messy guy. This story from years later is proof of the lesson he learned. Despite my patience with him on this matter, he kept learning and growing and years later, handled it in a most enchanting way.  And offered evidence that Uncommon Romance can be romantic indeed.

It started with a phone call.

Him: Hi, Darling! Are you home?

Her: Yeah!

Him: I’m sending you a present. It’ll be there in a half hour.

Her: Oooooh, what is it?

Him: It’s a surprise. But you need to move the Durango.

Her: (Blink. Blink. Blink.)

Him: Still there?

Her: Is it a car?

Him: It’s a surprise. 

Her: But. Is it a car?????

Him: It’s a surprise!! Bye!

Right on time, up the driveway comes a pick-up pulling a big, dirty, beat-up…dumpster. You read it right. It was a dumpster! And it was beautiful. Romantic, in fact.

I said what I said.

That dumpster was evidence that my husband got me. He didn’t care if we filled it with things to make our house more orderly. In fact, he liked having everything that he could possibly ever need at his fingertips. The idea of throwing things away made him uncomfortable. But, he sacrificed what he wanted and gave that to me as a gift. A surprise. With a smile on his face and a promise to help me fill it to the brim.

Best gift everrr. Seriously.

There are some principles to glean from the dumpster. Allow me to expound.

1. Know your partner’s love language. Everyone is different. Some people like gifts. Some acts of service. Others, touch. There are five. We tend to show love to our partners in our own love language instead of theirs, so to make a gift or gesture really count, you need to know the best way to do it. Here’s a quick rundown on them.
2. Get your Ph.D. regarding your partner. To “rent the dumpster,” you have to really know them.
3. Learn to accept your partners’ differences and don’t try and change them. Some differences are unhealthy; in that case, do what you can to encourage growth and change in your partner. But Bobby and I learned over the years that most of our differences are just that. Different. We’ve learned to live very harmoniously. No more flying underwear!
4.  Sometimes sacrifice needs to happen. Often “renting the dumpster” might be a true sacrifice. But usually, you get what you give eventually.
5.  No gift can be enjoyed or even appreciated if given grudgingly. Bobby helped me fill that dumpster, and we had much fun doing it. We put our eyes on most things in it and shared some memories. I kidded him about some of the useless stuff that had resided in our home for years, and he gave it right back to me as he tossed it in. We actually had fun working our behinds off filling that sucker up. We filled it so high that I was embarrassed and a bit worried that the guy wouldn’t be able to get it where it was going.

Due to this unexpected gift, we have cleared our office of clutter. We’ve remodeled it, and I work from home three days a week in a beautiful, peaceful space that I love. We’re talking about turning part of our basement into an area we can invite our friends to make music together. Bobby and I perform Blues music and envision a stage filled with a backline of drums and amps for our friends to come and have fun with us.

And it all started with Uncommon Romance. 

I have comedy jokes!

What do you call a broken dumpster?

A trash can’t.

My son jumped into a dumpster to retrieve his ball.

He hasn’t bin seen since.

I didn’t say they were funny. 🙂