Wolf and Anita Gotttschalk have been married for sixty-two years. Their granddaughter took this heartrending picture of them the day they were parted and placed in separate nursing care facilities in Canada due to governmental red tape. This picture demonstrates two things. First, someone needed to get their act together and rectify this terrible situation for two people who did not deserve to be treated like this. Second, despite this situation, Wolf and Anita have something we all want. They have an everlasting love and an undeniable intimacy that even strangers can see instantly. They understand the concept of “Be There.” They were being forced not to follow it, though.
What Is Be There?
Intimacy is essential in our relationships, and there are many ways to get there. One fundamental way is by being there for each others’ meaningful moments in life.
I have found that telling others about something is not the same as experiencing it together. There is no question that in your life, you and your partner will experience things – are already experiencing things – that are very meaningful to you. These things will grow and change you forever, and they will grow and change your partner forever. The question is…will they grow and change you in a way that melds you more closely with your partner or not?
I’m sure you have heard someone say, “We’ve just grown apart.” Well, that doesn’t just happen; most times, at least one person contributed to it, sometimes unwittingly. What happened is that these two lives, which were supposed to be one, slowly took two separate paths or never really melded together. And sometimes, I have even seen infidelity happen because a third person kept being there for those critical times and stole the closeness and intimacy that rightfully belonged to someone else.
I understand that everything is not possible to share with your partner. For instance, he cannot be there when you make your career’s most significant sales pitch. And it is probably not advisable for her to sit next to you while you ask your boss for a much-deserved raise. But we can and should be involved. We can share how we feel, give advice, help with what we can, pray about our concerns, and follow up with one another.
For the times we can be there, even if it’s hard – even if it’s a sacrifice – we should do it. Doing this shows that the relationship is a priority and binds us together as nothing else can.
You may have been blessed with children and all the responsibilities being a parent entails. That makes this more complicated. But most parents I know understand why it is essential to be there for their children’s important life events, right? This is no different. And make no mistake, loving your partner equals loving your child well.
Here’s How Be There Worked For Us
Racing is the glue cementing our life and love together. If you don’t know our story, my husband Bobby is a professional drag racer. But, when we were first married, he was a boat salesman, and he drag raced as a hobby. Due to a downturn in the economy, he lost that job. So, he worked hard to land an excellent-paying job in the airline industry. Honestly, it wasn’t his dream job, but he was trying to do the right thing by finding something secure for his new marriage. Unfortunately, he and five thousand others were laid off from the company six months later.
This moment was a turning point for us. It was our second year of marriage, and how we handled this situation became the model for managing future challenges. I will always remember that several-hour-long conversation that lasted well into the night. He shared his frustration, his desire to be a good man and husband, and how he needed this next step to be a job and a real career. I did my best to listen, reassure and encourage him. Together, we wracked our brains for what should follow.
Then I said, “Why don’t you race for a living?” I had watched him; he was so good at it, and I knew that when he was racing, he was truly happy. I so wanted him to be happy.
He explained, “I don’t think you realize how risky that would be. It’s costly, it’s almost impossible to make a living at it, there are no guarantees, and very few people actually make it in the sport.” I thought about it and then said, “We’re just starting out, we have no kids yet, and we don’t own anything we can lose. We’ll sell the car and do something else if it doesn’t work out.”
Well, that was October. We got a loan, bought a Funny Car, and had it in our garage by Christmas. Wait, we didn’t have a garage. We had to rent one. We didn’t have much of anything except that car.
Now, at this point, I had to make a decision, and it was a very conscious choice. I was new in my demanding, way-more-than-40-hours-a-week-career. I had my own ambitions. But I knew that to do this well, we both had to do it. Even more importantly, I was not – WAS NOT – going to have anyone BUT ME Be There for all the things that were coming.
Looking back, that was one of the wisest decisions Young Me could have made. Someone was looking after me, that’s for sure.
The Payoff
I was there for the first run, the first engine explosion, the first regional win, the first fire, the first National win, the Driver of the Year Award, and The Indy Win. And everything in between. When we started, only three of us were there, and I did a lot. I even did engine work. We were actually known for doing well with a low-buck operation. That engine stayed together. Angel Mechanics must have worked on it after I did anything; that’s all I can say. I packed the parachutes to stop the car, and I still do. Our Crew and I always joked that whoever loved Bobby the most that day got to pack the chutes. Sorry, guys, but that will always be me.
Over the years, things changed. I started racing for Bobby, but I grew to love it as much as anyone there. I may have started out as a Racer’s Wife, but I am now and forever will be A Racer.
Do you have to give this much? Of course not. I believe that you will get back what you offer. Unlike the situation with Wolf and Anita, growing apart is not imposed upon us by the government. We allow it to happen to us.
Thank the good Lord, Wolf and Anita were reunited after eight months apart.
Wanna know how everything turned out for us? Watch this! You gotta watch until the end to see the romantic part, though.
Here’s something else I wrote on the subject that might help: Achieve More Together