10 Marriage Preparation Tips You Must Know

As a thirty-three year happily married woman who has counseled unhappy couples, here’s a marriage preparation tip: don’t overrate making a commitment in a relationship. But because I want you to be happy, I’m going to share some positive relationship advice.

If you’re single and want to get married, by all means, enjoy your singleness while preparing mentally for marriage. Regardless of your relationship status, these tips will prepare you for a better life. And, who doesn’t want that?

#1. Get to Know Your Spouse

Back in 1991, my husband, Bobby Martin, and I formed a professional Top Alcohol Funny Car drag racing operation culminating in an NHRA US Nationals Championship, a Division 3 Season Championship, and a national Top 10 ranking. Our race car covers the quarter-mile in 5 seconds, but the preparation we put in before we get to the track? Countless hours and sweat.

After every run, the crew tears the car apart and puts it all back together to do it again. Like car parts, a relationship requires different parts” to keep it nurtured – for one, communication styles and strategies bridge differences in a relationship.

 

#2. Have Reasonable Expectations in a Marriage

Bobby has a strict regimen when he drives. Everyone who knows him knows that he loves to eat. He’s not a big man (a typical driver), but he can out-eat men twice his size! Hahaaaa! But on race day? It’s water and chicken lettuce wraps. No carbs, caffeine, or sugar. He says that he wants to feel hungry. No matter the number of times he’s raced at a track, he walks it from starting line to sand trap studying it closely. He knows what to expect.

And on the day of the race, he sits in the car and progresses through his driving routine so he knows what to expect on the track. Had he not gone through his routine, he might have not felt as confident. Knowing what to expect gives confidence. And on the flip side, love without expectation is key to a happy relationship.

 

#3. Build a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

Do you have hurts, hang-ups, or habits you need to kick? This may not be your fault, but if you want a happy marriage, the people who hurt you likely can’t help you with this. There are those who can. But you need to make that first move. Do it for your future spouse and children now. Seek out a counselor, a Pastor, or a support group. I have a lot of friends who’ve had success with Celebrate Recovery. It’s very inexpensive, accessible, and effective. Remember, your relationship will never be healthier than you.

#4. Nurture a Healthy Relationship with Money

You didn’t expect this to be a marriage preparation tip, right? Fighting about money in marriage is the second-highest reason why relationships fail. More than half of couples enter their partnerships with debt. Forty percent say that this financial burden has a negative impact on their relationships. To truly enjoy married life, why not educate yourself and start getting things in order and avoid fighting about money? If you can budget and control debt, you’ll be preparing for marriage in a healthy way when you make more money.

In our marriage, the rule of thumb has always been to give 10%, save 10% and spend what’s left. In thirty-three years, we’ve never once fought about money.

#5. Write Down Your Ideal Spouse Characteristics

I wish someone had told me to write down my ideal spouse characteristics in my younger years. The farthest I got was saying a prayer for a future spouse.  Once I was so over the moon for a guy, endorphins kicked in and as a result, I made a poor choice.

What do you look for in a partner beyond just the physical? What ideal characteristics should this future spouse embody to love him or her for the rest of your life? Kindness? Humor? Wisdom? Will he be a good father or mother? Godliness?  (This last trait is wayyy sexier than you might think. It just means that they have all of the other ideal spouse characteristics I said). Keep this list and when the endorphins kick in, look at the list to keep you on track with the criteria for choosing a spouse.

 

#6. Learn How to Respect Yourself as a Woman

OK, Guys. This relationship advice is for women. But you can eavesdrop. LOL.

A couple of weeks ago, I wanted to write something fun for you. It was something along the lines of “cute texts for him.” I needed a jumpstart to address some of the relationship problems and answers I was seeing, so I sought inspiration online. What? WHAT?

Now, the reason my blog is named HeyGetARoom.net is because of the many times people have said that phrase to my husband and me. So, understand who you’re talkin’ to. 🙂

But, the relationship advice I saw, that meant for a woman to send to a guy she just met, made me upset. Most advice sounded desperate or desperate and trampy.

My dear friend, you are not desperate. You are beautiful, strong, and have value. Read that again. Please see yourself as someone who is due respect and who takes yourself, your needs, and your feelings into account. Once you begin seeing yourself this way, others will too and you won’t be so distraught by a lack of an emotional connection in a relationship.

These texts seem cute, but think about what they say about you to a man who doesn’t even know you.

“You can’t text me first, but you can update your Facebook status every five minutes? I see how it is.”

He reads: I have zero going on in my life so I sit with eyes glued to Facebook obsessing about a man I don’t know. People who are living life to the fullest and are happy with themselves leave a lasting impression, and that’s all you need to attract those you want.

“Come over, I have all your favorites. Pizza, beer, and of course, ME.”

My husband gave me the Man Scoop on this. Men typically welcome this kind of invitation from women they barely know. But if women could hear what men say to each other about us when we do it – well, we wouldn’t do it. I know this opinion isn’t popular right now, but not all true things are popular. Part of being wise is learning to decipher the difference between the two so you can build an emotional connection in a relationship.

#7. Embrace Being Faithful in Marriage

While you haven’t yet met your future spouse, will you have intentions of being faithful in your marriage? Practice now learning how to be faithful in a relationship by treating the ones you’re dating with respect and faithfulness. If you think marriage will help you stop cheating and start being faithful, that’s not true. You need to be that person now.

#8. Learn the Secret Love Language of Relationships

Gary Chapman, a pastor, author, and talk show host, wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. The premise of this relationship book is to show the different ways that people feel love.  To make people you love feel your love, it makes sense to speak it in their language to build an emotional connection. My husband’s love language is Words of Affirmation, so I make sure that I encourage him often with my words.

#9. Use Effective Communication Strategies in Relationships

Most corporate training lacks practicability, right? But there was one training on communication that has stuck with me all these years and helped me hone in on the right communication style to build a better relationship with my partner.

Basically, there are four communication styles: Passive (bad), Aggressive (bad), Passive-Aggressive (very bad), and Assertive (good!). Learning to communicate assertively will. change. your. life.

#10. Show Grace to Others

Wow, this one is perhaps the hardest thing to learn. Giving grace to others means giving someone an undeserved gift. So in relationships, it means learning how to let the little things go, even when the other person is wrong. Every single thing doesn’t have to be A Thing. Conversely, offering an apology quickly and sincerely covers a multitude of sins. Living with someone 24/7 over many years guarantees conflict. Offering up grace or an apology will assure peace in your home.  It’s priceless!

If you’ve read this far, you’re pretty serious about finding the right relationship. What a great start! I encourage you to continue to invest your time in becoming the person that ensures happiness for you and Your Forever One with these 10 marriage preparation tips.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize” (1st Corinthians 9:24).

 

Struggling to improve your communication in your marriage?

Are you in need of good relationship advice from the bible?

Help is here! Sign up to receive email notifications at my relationship blog and I’ll be there in your inbox, giving you positive relationship advice to help you move forward one step at a time.

Lori Recommends this: Ronnie Koenig | 18 Ways to Flirt Without Being Slutty