Fools Rush In

There’s an old song I love called “Fools Rush In.”

The first line is “Wise men say only fools rush in.”  The rest of the song is nothing but One. Big. But. So, I’m gonna stop there.  (But if you don’t know the song, click the link! It’s so romantic…Ahem. OK, not now. I’m trying to make a point here.)

There’s a reason why a wise man would say not to rush into a marriage. He knows a few things. We should listen because after all it’s been established that he’s wise. If Elvis said it (he recorded one of the first versions of this song), it has to be true.

I understand why people do it. There’s that chemistry thing. I know. I’ve felt it. It blinds us to all common sense for a little while at least. Or, we feel pressure to do it because we’ve reached that age, feel ready and all of our friends are doing it. Maybe we’ve lost someone recently, and it feels really good to be part of a couple again.

I get the chemistry thing. And, in most cases, I don’t think I would start a relationship without any. But, marriage is more than a day. On the day after the wedding, the rest of your life begins. And you’ll be living with your hasty decision. You might not be compatible. Some people get really, really lucky and it works out despite the hastiness. But more often than not, it doesn’t.  If you rush into marriage with someone you are not compatible with, you miss out on the chance of finding someone who is much, much better.

If you’re rushing to get married because you’re tired of just being in weddings or you’re scared of being alone, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Also, you’re more likely to end up with someone who isn’t good for you and treats you poorly, because you haven’t spent enough time to get to know them behind closed doors without anyone else around. Don’t let your desperation blind you to obvious red flags, because what you settle for is ultimately what you’ll get.

 

Once you take the plunge, if there are problems, they won’t go away. If you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on things like bills and babies, tying the knot won’t fix those problems. Marriage may make one or both of you briefly happy, but those issues will certainly return. If you want kids and he doesn’t or if you want to take over your dad’s farm and she wants to conquer Wall Street, this probably won’t work no matter how big a party you throw to celebrate your union.

Breaking up is hard to do, but you know what’s even harder to do than that? Divorce. Splits are tough, but divorces bring a lot of paperwork, lawyers and strife.  And, do you think a wedding is expensive? Try a divorce.

Long before you start feeling that chemistry that messes up your brain cells, take some time to think about what you want long-term.

What characteristics do you want in a spouse? Do you want them to be kind? Fun? Funny? Loyal? Godly?

Let me say a word about this. Godly sounds too staid. Dull. Boring. I am here to tell you that it’s not! Once upon a time, I thought tall, dark, and handsome would sweep me off my feet in a sleek car dressed like a GQ model, and we’d live happily ever after.  But what would you think if you saw a man tearing up hearing about people who’d lost their homes and were living on the street? Or a man who tenderly kisses an elderly person on the cheek as he gets on one knee to talk to them? That’s Godly. And quite irresistible. Even, dare I say it,  sexy.

I have a kind man. An interesting man. A Godly man. A sexy man. Thirty years later, he still does it for me.

Looking for the right man for you? Take your time. Time is your very best friend.  There’s no reason I can think of to hurry.  If it’s right, the person will still be there.

I wish you well, Friend.

Some of us rush in…for the same kind of person…every time. Why do we want those Bad Boys? Read this to see what I think.

I Want A Jerry Springer Kind of Love?

But once you find THAT PERSON, be all in. No fear. See what I mean here.

Dear Younger Me