How To Tell Your Girl She’s Beautiful

“It’s not you. It’s me.” In our culture, the standards for womanly beauty are hard to attain and so unkind. Whether little girls, teens or “prime women,” we’re told we’re imperfect and undesirable. These messages are fired like arrows into our souls until, deep down, we feel like we’re not enough. Can’t possibly be attractive. This is why you must tell your girl she’s beautiful.

This is rubbish, by the way. I know this; you know this.

How do I know this? God says so. It’s OK if you don’t think the way I do about God. You’re welcome here, and I hope I’m welcome with you. But I think you’ll agree. About this, He says:

“Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the fear of  God. Give her everything she deserves!  Adorn her life with praises!” Proverbs 31: 30-31

At the same time Solomon, who is known as the wisest man ever, wrote these words. He obviously knew that you should tell your girl she’s beautiful.

“The sweet, fragrant curves of your body,
    the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay
    until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
    beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.”

Song of Solomon 4:6-7

Those. Are. Some. Words.  Even the most confident of women need to hear words like this. And for some of us, if we’ve had negativity pounded into our hearts and minds, we might not believe them right away. But we need to hear them even more. In other words, it’s not you. It’s me.

Where you come in

Tell your woman otherwise. Tell your girl she’s beautiful. To you. Ohhhh, she wants to be beautiful to you the most. 

Tell her that you think she is beautiful outwardly and inwardly. Let her know that you see the real woman, even the imperfect parts, and that you love what you see. She wants to know that all of her—body, soul, and spirit—is gorgeous to you.

 “You really think so?” she’s saying, “Do you really see me? Do you see who I am? Do you see my faults, my talents, my character, my soul?” And to say that she’s beautiful speaks life into her like you wouldn’t imagine.

Tell her in person

I’ve heard men say, “She knows how I feel. I give her everything I can.” I’m not disregarding that. Neither is she. It’s huge. Your sacrifice speaks love. But she still needs to hear you say that you think she’s beautiful, pretty, and desirable.

I’m 57 now, and when I look at old pictures, I sigh on the inside. It matters to me how I look, and it matters when the man I love notices me.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I met friends for dinner. Mutual friends own the restaurant.  We found ourselves in a private room, sitting in front of a warm fireplace, on comfy chairs, and munching on dee-lish food. What a fabulous time we had!

Our friend Stefan and I are the talkative ones of the foursome, so our number of words outnumbered our spouses’ by well — a BUNCH. I kept glancing at my husband amidst the laughter and conversation in the way close couples do. Was he still good? He’d had a long day. Did we need to go yet? Nope, he looks like he’s having a great time. I noticed that his eyes were always on me, and he kept giving me my favorite smile.

The following day over breakfast, he asked if I knew why he was sitting forward in his chair all night watching me. I didn’t. He explained that it was because I looked so beautiful and he didn’t want to look away. Then, he went on to describe specifically in detail how I looked to him. He especially liked my high-heeled animal print boots. She shoots and scores!

Oh. My.

Tell her in text

My husband and I like to flext, a combo of flirting and texting. He says such sweet things to me, and I reciprocate. I feel so loved all day long. Men, this doesn’t take a lot of time, but the benefits – oh, the benefits!

Just compliment her. Text her to say how good she looked when you saw her earlier. Tell her you miss her, and you’re looking forward to seeing her again. Think about it – what is it that you love about her? Say it in a text. Is her hair silky? Did she give you a pretty smile when you parted this morning? Say it. It’s OK to be silly. We love it when you make us laugh. You don’t have to be verbose and poetic.

Tell her without words

Hug her. Kiss her. How about a card? Be proud to hold her hand in public. This will tell your girl she’s beautiful without saying a word.

Don’t ever stop

My hubby has been instrumental in building my confidence. He encouraged me to write this blog, in fact. And to sing in public. It took me years to find the confidence to brave the rejection I might get, and he never gave up on me. So many things he’s done for me. I’ll share that story at the end.

This might take time. Some find it difficult to take compliments, and it has very little to do with you. It’s all to do with our self-esteem. Do it anyway.

Tell us again.

And again.

And again, and again, and again.

Keep on telling us. And don’t stop.

Does she know she’s beautiful to you? Tell your girl she’s beautiful.

Here is the information I promised about how Bobby encouraged me to meet my potential.

And here is one Bobby road as a guest blogger for men. He’s a race car driver, you’ll see. Get The Prize

Something funny for you: Seinfeld | It’s Not You, It’s Me.