You Make Loving Fun

One of the things I love about my life with Bobby is how much fun I have with him. He has a witty, dry humor that sneaks up on me. We laugh A LOT together. All that laughing adds up to a great quality of life for us. The person who you can laugh with becomes the one you want to spend time with, and the one you can’t wait to call when something happens. They become your bestie. Being besties is a great foundation for your relationship. I thought about the fun we have and what I have learned over the years about it.

Decide your way into fun.

Most things can be funny. Everyday things like cleaning the house or riding in the car can be comical if you make it that way. Even frustrating things can be funny. You get to choose if something is fun or frustrating. Terrible service at a restaurant can be hilarious with a few well-placed comments in your partner’s ear.

You can help one another to have more fun, too. Sometimes I’m not in a laughing mood, but Bobby’s humor can bring me out of it and soon we’re laughing. But, he has to choose to make that effort and I have to choose to allow his efforts to make a difference. Also, don’t take things personally. If your partner laughs at you, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. A lot of laughter comes from ribbing and teasing one another, and if you take tasteful, innocent joking personally, neither of you are ever going to have any fun.

Laughing together builds on itself. The more you do it, the more you do it. Loosen up. Create a home and relationship where laughter is prevalent.

Appreciate each other’s unique humor.

Everyone’s sense of humor is different, and it’s easiest to appreciate humor that is like ours. That’s why siblings often seem to have an inside track on making each other laugh. They all have the same kind of humor. Sometimes when couples meet, they happen to “get” each other’s humor right off the bat.  But that’s not always the case.  When Bobby and I met, we were very different, including our senses of humor. He leans toward farce humor, such as the movie Airplane or Monty Python. I like physical comedy. I’m sorry, I love you. But if you fall, I’m gonna laugh first then ask if you’re OK.  I can’t seem to help myself. 

However, over time we started to develop an appreciation for each other’s humor and that appreciation has only grown. My husband is quiet, but he’s witty and he comes up with these little zingers that I don’t even get right away. Then, all of sudden…there it is…hahahahahahaha!   I’m not quiet. I make up stupid songs, dance around awkwardly, and talk in goofy voices. Whereas he used to just look at me in bewilderment, now he cracks up and joins right in with gusto! And I have come to enjoy a good Monty Python bit. Ah. I’d like to have an argument, please. You would think those two kinds of humor wouldn’t work together, but we make each other laugh constantly. I love it when I make my witty guy laugh with immature antics.

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve made a joke and it’s fallen utterly flat with someone? Don’t be that person in your relationship.

Find fun in everyday moments.

We’ve learned not to take ourselves too seriously. You have to be able to be a total weirdo with someone. If you’re always up in your head and trying to maintain some kind of image around your partner you won’t be able to laugh at anything, let alone be funny yourself.  I know that I’m a dork, and I’ve learned that there are things about me that are funny and worth laughing at. One morning, Bobby commented that we are love birds. I started singing this made-up song at the top of my lungs called “Love Birdie Wirdies.” It had verses and a chorus. Aaaaand a weird little dance.  It is the weirdest song, but we probably sing it to each other, along with fresh dance moves, at least once a week. So goofy. So fun.

But one of the funniest things we ever experienced happened at church. We were at a special service, and people from outside our church were participating. One man stated that he had been asked to sing a “newfangled” song, he was used to singing only hymns, and he would do the best he could.  I don’t know any other way to say this, but he sang it really funny. And while singing it, he would go up on his tip toes and back down again and again.  And…he had really big feet and his feet kept slipping in and out of his loafers every time he did it.

Well, we were seated in the 2nd row and center of the sanctuary. And, this was a serious and solemn ceremony. I was dying to laugh. I made the mistake of looking over at my husband. He gave me an almost indecipherable smirk, then leaned over and said in my ear, “Don’t laugh.” Of course, that made it much worse! I spent the rest of the whole service trying to think of other things – butterflies, ice cream cones, national figure skating championships – just to get to the end of the service.

Several months later. Same church. Same pew. Someone from our church got up to sing and I heard the opening bars of the song…oh no. Same song. What happened before all flooded back and again, I was fighting not to laugh! This time, I knew better than to look at The Traitor. The Troublemaker. The Smirker. But, he took matters into his own hands, leaned over and said the dreaded words again. Don’t laugh. Oh, no you didn’t. Do. That. I absolutely lost it! I held the laughter inside but my whole body was shaking with the it! I don’t know if the singer saw me. I couldn’t look. After church, though, the pastor’s wife came up, put her arm around me and said, “I could see that the song touched you today. Were you crying?” Um…well…no. I told her the story and we both laughed so loud!

The Smirker and I still laugh about that one and I vow to get him back. Let me know if you have any ideas.

Play games together. 

Playing together is fun. I know couples who play bridge or board games together and have lots of laughs. We don’t do that so much, but we do have these long-standing games that have evolved. For instance, Bobby and I love cars. One time, we were driving somewhere and he pointed at a car and said “That’s your car.”  It was the most nondescript car ever. I like sports cars. Or fast cars. Red cars. This thing was brown. Or gray. Probaby brownish-gray. Four cylinders. There was nothing about it that I liked. I was like – “Whaaaaat?” Then, as we continued our trip and conversation, I kept eyes peeled for “his car”. It took a few days, but I found it and pointed it out. That was years ago, and we still play that game.

The other thing we do is have spelling contests. It started with me bragging about winning spelling bees as a kid. So, he gave me a word to spell and I did it. Perfectly. Thank you. Then another and another. Then, I started throwing words at him and he got them, too. It has graduated to us sitting on opposite couches with dictionaries (now phones) in hand and challenging each other with ridiculous words. This is serious. And not. So fun. We haven’t played this in a while. I smell a spelling match coming up soon.

Plan for fun.

I think couples who have real experiences together have more to laugh about. Couples who laugh a lot aren’t the types to limit their relationship activities to dinner at the same place every week. They sit on the couch watching movies, they travel, they go to shows, and go to places they’ve never been before. They live their lives together in a rich, dynamic, social way. There’s nothing uptight about the way couples who laugh share their experiences, which ties into being best friends and being able to hang out together in any situation.

Go out; experience life together. Find some fun!